I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
