you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
