things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
