my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
