an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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