she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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