My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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