apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
