Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
He did a backflip because drugs
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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