How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
