Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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