i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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