I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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