I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize