I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
