then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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