If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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