so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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