Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
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