Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize