What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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