Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
