it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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