yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Randomize
