maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Randomize
