I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
