the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
