My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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