I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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