I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
