"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Randomize
