sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
