Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
