God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
