I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
