He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I'm like, not good at living.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
