Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
nutella sex= disaster
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Randomize
