My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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