I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i love accidental penises.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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