Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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