She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
