Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
