I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
