Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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