I am midnight drunk by noon
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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