I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Randomize
