i jhust puked up my retainher.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
