My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
