I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
