No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
