so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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