I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Is that strawberry winking at me??
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
