the new term for farting is butt boxing.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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