I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
