halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
