She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
