idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
