you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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