You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
