god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
