Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
