You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
