I am spending my child support on dildos
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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