Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
