Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
