is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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