meet me or not, i'm out of control
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
