Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
