Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
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